The History That Will Remain In My Mind :/

I really Need Someone :'(

Wednesday (4/1/12)

this day is the second worst day ever in my life, the day were everything was upside down, the day were blood n tears full our day and the day cover up full with sorrow . . . 

the worst day start at 6 something, at that time i'm at my father office, after a few chat with acol n ayai, i take a nap, and suddenly when i woke up, my dad secretary tell me that my brother get into accident at puchong while repair the street light, i was so shocked, i feel like wtf . . .

and i ask my dad secretary what happen and when it happen? she answer me, my 3rd brother fall down from the street light a few minute ago, and that time, i'm stun for a few second, i though it just another nightmare, but its already happen. . .

so i feel so mengelabah like sakai, go inside the car, and start to call my 1st brother Handphone, when he answer, the 1st time that i hear he was cried, i was like . .  . dont know what to do, then i talk to him, said that "how was eiqi?" then he said, "x taw xtaw, abang takut ape ape jadi kat dia, 

abg x nk dtg, abg x berani"*while crying. . . 

i don't know wat to do, i really don't know, i ask him to calm down then he off the phone, hmm . .. 

after that i start to call my 2nd brother, at the 1st i said to him "Ami, abah ada gtaw ape ape x? then he reply " No, asal? " 

and i said "ami, eiqi baru tadi jatuh dari tiang lampu. . . orang kata teruk, darah keluar banyak kat kepale." then my brother answer "ya allah! ok ok ami dtg. " and then he start to cried and call all his friends . . .

at that time i don't know, how was my 3rd brother condition and his friends, they said my brother and his friends didn't stop from bleeding, and the tears start flooding my cheek, he just said to me wan give me Rm200 for helping him in something, then my mind full with things, i afraid if anything happen to my brother, how could i face my mum and tell the truth???

doctor said to me, don't give my mum shocked or she will get more worst, i'm confused and dont know wat to do, i'm cried and cried, keep pray n pray. . . i'm scared and blank, can't think properly, when i reach the hospital i saw my brother in the ICU Room,  my brother condition damn teruk, his right hand born terkeluar from his hand, and his head koyak.  . . my tears fall again, i just don't know what to do, after that i go out from the ICU room, then check my phone, wish to talk to someone but, hmm . . . i dont know, i lost everyone . . .

then at 12AM my brother friend heart stop, and the doctor said we must cut the life support, and he passed away :'(

the whole day full with sorrow, not even one smile appear in anyone faces,

and that time the 1st time i saw my brother cried and my dad can't think normally . . .

1 o'clock i go back home, chat with acol for a minute, but don't have mood, i really do need to talk to someone that day but, hmm . . . i don't want to disturb anyone and i don't have any rite. . . so

i think i better on my own, to me that nite was a long nite, i can't sleep the whole night, keep drinking hot co-co . then i off to bed for a few hours.

Friday (6/1/12 )

I Didn't go to school coz everyone was busy about my brother and nobody can hantar me, so yeahh kena ponteng, then my sister in law go anta me at usj, to look after my mum for awhile, then when i reach  there, i saw my mum waiting for my brother at the window, and i feel so guilty, coz i had to keep it secret cause doctor said dont get her in shocked or she will get worse, so i pull myself, give my big fake smile before go in to my brother house, then i came in, and hug my mum, my mum said she miss me...and i said miss you too ibu :')
at that time, when i see my mum home alone, i feel like wan to cry, but i hold my tears, 
and then my mum start to ask about brother, i had to lie. . .  the hardest thing that i have to do is to look into my mum eyes  and tell a lie. . . 
i don't know what else i can do, i just can pray n pray . . . .
and sometimes all i need someone to talk, but i afraid if i ask anyone to teman me, they will thing like i wan her back or watever. . . .

that all for now . . .

To Be Continue. . . .